Robert Wolf Diary Blog

Positives 1. Hard worker 2. Studios 3. Loyal 4. Stubborn 5. strong 6. Introspective 7. Kind 8. Emotionally in control 9. Creative 10. Charitable 11. Good listener 12. Self awareness Negatives 1. slothful 2. Lack planning 3. Not assertive 4. Hard on myself 5. Lack self love 6. Overthink 7. Egostical 8. Impulsive

 The more I realize it, the more I see it where I never completed the other goals and making more goals; I completed some goals but having it where social media has overtaken my life with my own person, my own life taken over by the computer and that's not bad for the computer when it comes to doing something productive but outside of that I can't act as if I don't have an addiction to youtube, to social media, to any culture war stuff. That no matter what I find myself going to the same spaces, the same platforms, etc. I do make some, key word some improvements but for the most part I regress and fall back into old habits.

 From what I experience with the environment, with everything I do when it comes to coding my project; having another person come in and make something where I failed to, it should've been a slam dunk, a, "oh hey I got someone to do the boring parts for me but for money" where I start to realize, am I really finding success? Is this my success or only because I got someone else to climb me over that mountain? One must not take shortcuts or it begets shortcuts, having it where I can flex on people/ show off how fast I beat a game playing on a faster speed felt amazing but on a slower speed? Nah. With the cheating aspect of cheating and slowing down the game being a, "meh" factor on my part. I start to realize; I cheated, I cheated myself and at first you don't care but you slowly start to come to the realization that you do care when it comes to your own personal goals and life.

 My biggest issue getting distracted but rather a lack of a clear direction for the goals and set up and everything and as thus I end up spinning my wheels in the dirt. That with getting stronger or getting a bigger chest; that has sub goals I can break down and focus on to overall get to my main goal. While with running out of goals when it comes to game design? OOF! I loose/ get less clear and have to wait until I figure out something else for getting a more clear path forward.

  Goals 1 - Goal - become better at spaceship pixel art in 64 by 64. I want to make 1 a day. 2 - Goal - get a big chest 3 - Goal - improve my oral health by brushing and flossing twice a day 4 - Goal - Improve at math. I want to learn waste water math

 My sex drive has fallen to the point of watching porn once a day if not at all for the day I'm fine with. I find this... odd and out of character for me. Perhaps it did make a change even from the short time span of being away from NSFW content? However to note; I did notice/ address the actual issue with realizing it's not my lust but rather trying to hide from my pain with pleasure, with not hiding from my pain with pleasure so much perhaps I never really was all that lustful but instead used lust to cope.