Robert Wolf Diary Blog

 My sex drive has fallen to the point of watching porn once a day if not at all for the day I'm fine with. I find this... odd and out of character for me. Perhaps it did make a change even from the short time span of being away from NSFW content? However to note; I did notice/ address the actual issue with realizing it's not my lust but rather trying to hide from my pain with pleasure, with not hiding from my pain with pleasure so much perhaps I never really was all that lustful but instead used lust to cope.

From what someone said actually makes sense from what I encountered; the kind of music/ content you consume will make you ignore your sex drive, music/ things that make your blood pump will affect whether or not your lust will be able to kick in or not. This is strange and something I never knew until now.

 My taste in media shifted; not a sudden, "whoa I am into sports!" However it has shifted it would seem. I was trying to watch a clip from;  Harley Quinn However when watching I just lost all enjoyment from it. Just, nothing enjoyable about the scene with me only cringing at the scenes.

 No Fap was easier two plus years ago because of the following reasons; 1. I was fatter 2. I was less muscled 3. I did less cardio 4. Carb heavy diet 5. Less distractions; less stimuli I just consumed more youtube than porn. 6. More fetishes; what people who engage with/ watch porn don't tell you is; you discover more fetishes overtime. When I saw not nude but lewd furry girls something in me woke up. Monster girls and chimera girls unlocked something in me. These factors at play affected my ability to feel any sex drive and any desire for sex; meanwhile now my body is much more fit, muscled and doing a ton of cardio. When I was on a cut; as in not taking in enough calories because I'm an idiot when it comes to calorie counting that I found myself feeling less horny. My sex drive went down when I was on a cut. At both ends of the extreme of being too fat or being too much on a cut affecting my sex drive. The thing is; there are studies already pointing to the fact on both ends.

 I couldn't handle it after day 6; day 5 I felt like I had more energy when I woke up. On day 6 the opposite. My lust went into over drive and felt hot. The good news is when my lust boiled over; it made nightmares go away in the middle of the night. The bad news is; I don't have enough nightmares to make it worth it. Sleeping going to bed  - I went to bed at 1 PM and woke up at 9 PM; I feel like shit, I got a whole 8 hours but this has to be the worse 8 hours of my life I have ever slept through. Conclusion  - this is going to be harder than I thought if I need to redo this challenge again. Behavior change  - I was far less aggressive at work/ angry.

 Meh. I am sleeping 5 hours; I was able to get an additional 1 hour nap in. My emotional state is almost there; not positive, not negative; just lacking much to it. Something to note; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Wcmv0rUpF0 The said video; first time in forever, I just found the video too depressing to keep watching/ consuming. I never viewed myself as a consumer of said media before, at least not to this extent. Anyways I've found myself pausing the video not out of boredom like I would usually do but out of the fact it was depressing to deal with. Mood swings I've been dealing with. I feel bad for some of my coworkers dealing with me right now. I have this somewhat under control. Forgot to note  - I have been more impatient recently and waiting for things to get rolling; I remember tapping my foot at work yesterday/ rolling my eyes as I wanted things to hurry along, I feel as if time is much slower and the day is dragging on with my own thoughts and ideas focused on...

 Research Note  I am more tired as of recently; I want to do less things and loaf around more. I did some push ups to get myself to wake up a bit more. I did make myself dinner before all this; I'm not someone who easily gets tired/ wanting to go to bed. I've started adding more sugar to my diet again. My balls don't feel great; I am well aware not fapping isn't going to hurt your balls, at least I don't think; could be psychological for all I know. I'm having trouble thinking right now considering the time. That ever since the boredom I feel more depressed. A lack of distraction as it were. Sleeping  - 6 hours of sleep I've been getting; I've been waking up after 5 hours and having trouble staying asleep in general even with taking melatonin or not. Dreams  - Lustful; distracting, before my dreams weren't as sexual in nature but far more erotic than before. I can't escape porn even in my dreams it would seem.

 I figured I'd start recording these progress marks and come back later and make this into a video. I had forgotten to yesterday and chose to write this out first instead of making a video every day and just do a mega video. Yesterday I was successful in getting my room clean, bathroom clean, trash taken out, almost successful on getting the dishes taken care of but needed to get dish detergent. How am I measuring less stimuli? Youtube, Twitter, video games that don't work out my brain (I am not removing puzzle games so @ me), things that would be easy stimuli. For less stimuli this includes my favorite clothed furry characters that are lewd in my eyes. Now; keep in mind this isn't a stimuli cleanser, this is just replacing the stimuli with the following; cooking, working out, some meditation (I suck at this activity), math, coding, writing and typing. Dreams? I can't lie; I had lewd dreams but not on the first day nor second but the third day of doing this I started ha...

Today - published date deadline at 12 PM Flying enemies Y knockback (mostly introduced, still needs work) Anti Air enemy Dodge roll Player taking dmg state.